alonoma

For anyone who's interested, I've started... hmn. I don't know what the name for it is in English, but... is it college? O.o Well well. Gymnasiet in Swedish. It's great, I've got new friends, and I even got myself a girlfriend. Things are pretty different. I think I've changed quite a lot. I'm happy, for example. :) So... hello everyone. Not that I think anyone's reading this. If I ever get internet again I'll start over with a new LJ. Or perhaps a blog in Swedish. It'd be pretty nice to write in my mother tongue for a change.

Why on earth isn't there any Simon & Garfunkel fanfiction out there? And yes, I'm talking slash (what else?). They're in love, it's so goddamn obvoius. And still, no fics. It's sad, really.

R.I.P Ukki. (ukki = grandpa in Finnish, just so you know)

And yeah... This one too.



They met when they were 15, and were together until 29th of January. Sounds like a sappy love story, I know. But it's the truth. I can't imagine what it must be like for her. Take my pain and multiply it a hundred times. Or probably even more.

And if you're wondering why I'm not active anymore and why I'm never at your journal, it's because I've practically removed myself from the net. Will keep my journal because I'm too fond of all the Jesper-entries to delete it, but I deleted myself from hogwarts.nu, which had been my home for nearly two years, and everyone are blocked on msn. I unblock people to talk sometimes though, but only one at a time and not often. Some people have noticed that I'm gone, and some haven't. Some care and some don't. Whatever.

I hate the way you talk to me
And the way you cut your hair
I hate the way you drive my car
I hate it when you stare
I hate your big dumb combat boots,
And the way you read my mind
I hate you so much it makes me sick
It even makes me rhyme
I hate the way you're always right
I hate it when you lie
I hate it when you make me laugh
Even worse when you make me cry
I hate it that you're not around
And the fact that you didn't call
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you
Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all

Btw, if you're wondering what's up with me, you should read A Season in Hell by Cassandra Claire. I like to pretend that I'm Draco.

[It starts with]
One thing, I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know, time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It’s so unreal, didn’t look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on but didn’t even know
Wasted it all just to watch you go
I kept everything inside and even though I tried it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when

I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter

One thing, I don’t know why
Doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme
To remind myself how I tried so hard
Despite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I’m surprised it got so far
Things aren’t the way they were before
You wouldn’t even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me in the end
I kept everything inside and even though I tried it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when

I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter

I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
And for all this
There’s only one thing you should know

I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
And for all this
There’s only one thing you should know

I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter

Oh, I should update someday soon, shouldn't I? Damn it, what is there to say? Time for some Jesper talk I think, it was a while ago. No, I haven't forgotten about him. Yes, I still want to get to know him. Yes, I'm still trying. Yes, he's still an Angel.
Ran around town with Rosanna trying to find a late Christmas present too him. Honestly, how hard could it be to find a bloody teacup!? Since he's trying to learn how to drink tea we thought that'd be suitable. But we looked in practically every store, and we just found ugly cups, no Jespery ones. Rosanna suggested we should steal one from the cafe when he's not watching, and then give it to him. I'm starting to believe it might be a good idea.



Good shot, huh? But at least it shows his adorable haircut. :P And it's not Rosanna opposite to me, in case you're wondering. ;)

( Question-thingie-blah )

Got home today to find a package on my doormat. I assumed it was from my cousins in Finland, because they always send me something for Christmas,and therefor I didn't open it, just figured I'd leave it to Christmas Eve. Then mum got home and pointed out that the package was from England and not from Finland. My first thought was tuatha_sidhe, but that couldn't be right, because I was only expecting a Christmas card from her, not a Christmas package. So I was pretty confused. Eventually I told mum to open it, so I didn't have to see incase it was something secret. Mum did so, and told me that there was a cd, a small parcel and an envelope. I looked at the cd and I just couldn't figure out who the hell it was from. Then I wanted to open the envelope, but I noticed that there seemed to be something more in it, so I hesistated incase it was a Christmas gift. I waited for a bit, then let mum open that too. The "thing" was the nose of the snowman on the card. And now I have to say...

THANK YOU, tuatha_sidhe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was just so overwhelmed, I'd never EVER thought I would get more than a card. You're so incredibly sweet, making a cd, and that card, it was so cute!! I got so, so happy, I've been walking around in a fluffy cloud ever since I opened it. :D :D :D And the cd is GREAT, thank you! Actually, I didn't know all of the songs, but they're wonderful! Didn't open the other thing, I thought I'd save it for Christmas. :D Thank you thank you THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

And fuck, I didn't even send a postcard. I'm so sorry, but I haven't sent postcards to anyone, it's just been SO MUCH lately. I know, it's not even a good excuse, but it's the only one I have. *is ashamed*

These past two weeks I've slept like... five hours every night? And these past days have just been hell. I hate school. Luckily all my tests are FINALLY over now. Soon Christmas break, soon internet, soon Thomas again. THANK GOD.

Oh, and I can't believe I've missed Bright Eyes. The voice, the music, THE LYRICS. *faints*

Thomas is getting jealous of Jesper. It's so adorable. :D And he's coming here in January. I'm already nervous.
A friend of mine mentoined how that Avril Lavigne song suited us. I really hate Avril Lavigne, but I have to admit that that it fits very well.

"He was a punk, she did ballet, what more can I say?"

Uuuhh... *shivers* I don't want us to be an Avril Lavigne song. :S And this journal is entirely unnecessary, but well... I'm bored. It's no fun being sick. I think I've got snot all the way up my brain. O_o

Guess who got herself a boyfriend? :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Happy Birthday, Jeff.

Okay, so I didn't ask for permission to upload this pic, but what the hell... That's my soulmate. Cool haircut, huh? :D

And I've realised that if I want something to happen with Jesper I'll have to see to it myself, because he's not going to help. Which is a bit frustrating, since I consider myself to be very shy. Feels strange that someone can be even more shy than I am. O_o

Oh, and I forgot.

"I'm not a thief really, I've never found anything worth keeping." - John Lennon, How I Won the War

Since he likes The Beatles. :D

JESPER IS SHY. I can't believe I haven't noticed before, I'm so blind. Of course I knew that he got a bit shy when we were many people at the café, but I've never thought that much about it. And then I suddenly realised. Not only that he never talks much when we're many people (he only smiles and is nice), but also that I'm always the one starting conversations. I thought this was just because I really wanted to get to know him, and he wasn't as interested/obsessed as me. But then I looked back on the moment when HE started the conversation, and I remembered that he hesitated before he talked, and it felt like he was forcing himself. (Like "I *am* going to do this, just say the words, okay??"). And then I realised that he speaks much less even if it's just me, Rosanna and a third person. He's shy, the guy's shy! So cute. :D

I've just realised that I have no life on internet except for my lj and hogwarts.nu. How sad isn't that? Can't even get a decent life on the net.

R&H: Oh, it's so great to be back! We've missed it so much! *jumps*
Me: We've been in Stockholm... O_O
Jesper: You've been in Stockholm?
Me: Yeah, it was so scary.
Rosanna: We hate that city now. Everyone are so stressed there!

And so on...

Me: So, how was the family gathering?
Jesper: Oh, you know... The highlight of the evening was when we played Monopol, because then I won over my little brothers. *smiles* (HE HAS LITTLE BROTHERS!?!?!?)

Later, when I'm fetching another coup.

Jesper: You know, I'm trying to learn how to drink tea. (Notice that HE started the conversation, HE STARTED IT. It was the first time.) Which sort would you recommend?
Me: Oh really? You don't drink tea? And Rabarber with Cream is wonderful.
Jesper: Yeah, I've tried that one, I like it. And no, I just love coffee...
Me: Ugh, it's disgusting.
Jesper: No, it's wonderful! You just have to get used to it. *smiles* In the beginning you can take lots of sugar and milk, and so on.
Me: Oh, I've got a friend who does that. She claims to drink tea, but it's mostly milk and sugar.
Jesper: Oh, but that's how you have to start.
Me: Yah, maybe. I should try drinking coffee, but I'm way too obsessed with tea. Sometimes I drink three cups a day.
Jesper: Oh my.
Me: I know. It's not good for my teeth, but what the hell. Coffee's even worse.
Jesper: Yeah, it is. But tea's nice to drink in the evening, isn't it? I know I get very relaxed if I drink a coup of tea.
Me: Really? It's not that way for me. I have trouble sleeping quite often after I've drunk tea. That, and you have to get up and pee all the time.
Jesper: Oh yeah, that can be annoying. Coffee you really shouldn't drink in the evening, though, you'll never sleep. And when I'm here I can drink as much as I want, it's heaven. *smiles* Sometimes I almost dance around the place because I've got so much energy.

Well, that was about it. Oh, this too.

Me: *hears a familiar song playing somewhere in the background*
Jesper: Did you want anything more? (Because we got up and went to the disk)
Me: No, I'm just listening to the music... (Eleonor Rigby)
Jesper: Oh, it's great, isn't it? The best CD ever. I love The Beatles.

Yada yada, now I really got to go and pee because of all the tea. That rhymes. :P

Jesper has little brothers. Jesper likes The Beatles. Jesper wants to learn how to drink tea.

I would write conversations down if I wasn't so depressed. Why am I always so depressed? I don't like being 15. >_

( The Concert )

( Before the Concert )

He said no, JESPER SAID NO.

Me: I was just wondering, are you free tomorrow?
Jesper: Hmm... No, I'm not, I'm going to a family gathering.
Me: Shit. *looks at her feet*
Jesper: Why?
Me: Well, we were wondering if you wanted to go to the cinema with us. We have an extra ticket, a friend got sick...
Jesper: Oh, I'm so sorry, but I can't. I haven't seen my family in ages, it's a shame it had to be this weekend. Bad timing.
Me: Yeah... *tries to hide disappointment*

God, I shouldn't have asked this weekend, because there were so many signs that it wouldn't go well. I mean, first I got really sick and my mum didn't want me to go because I had a fever. Then Rosanna canceled because her mum wanted her to have dinner with some friends, so I had to go alone. I shouldn't have gone. And now I can't ask him again, it would seem so desperate. So I had my chance, and now it's gone. Well, at least he seemed to be happy that I asked.

Oh, and I finally ot my hands on Velvet Goldmine.

Mum: Lets go rent a movie.
Me: Sure, whatever... *depressed*
Mum: Look, here's one I've heard a lot about. *point*
Me: Hmm... OMG MUM, LOOK!!! VELVET GOLDMINE!!!! *jumpsjumpsjumps*
Mum: Huh?
Me: It's SLASH!!!!!
Mum: *sigh* I want a new daughter.

Okay, now I'm updating just so my embarrassing Katherine Moennig entry won't be on top. (Instead we put embarrassing entry about Dougie on top) :P I am now doing practical working experience at The Dance Shop, which is just SO BORING. All I get to do is stuff clothes in boxes and sort the boxes and bend up and down until my back is broken. Luckily I got sick, hehe. No, I'm serious, I've got a cold. Unfortunately mum thought this the perfect time to sit me down and have one of those Talks. :S Because I've been sick very much this term.

( Rambling about mum )

( Rambling about Dougie )











Yes, I'm done now. I had more pictures, but I will be kind and control myself and not upload them.

( Rambling about Jesper )

I just watched L Word and OMFG. I am now totally, desperately, crazily, obsessively in love with Shane (Katherine Moennig). I mean, I knew her from Young Americans, and I've always liked her and thought she was a very good actor, but now... Come here and marry me, you sexy woman!













Seriously, the girl's so fucking hot I nearly pee my pants.